American Mothers, Inc.

BEHIND THE SCENES WRITING Mother-Daughter Duet:  Connell Branan interviews co-authors of the book, Mother-Daughter Duet, Cheri Fuller and Ali Plum about their mother-daughter collaboration.

Connell: Cheri, after writing over 40 books mostly “lonestar,” what was it like working with Ali, a total novice, not to mention your 33 year old daughter, a busy mother of two boys?

Cheri: From the outset I believed Ali was a talented writer but it was interesting to see her move from panic (I can’t do this!) to letting her writing skills unfold chapter by chapter, how she thought through a topic and then wrote from her heart with lots of honesty and a unique perspective.  We’re really different and that includes different working styles, so we had to find a way to work together effectively and it took us a while.  It was also challenging at times like when we occasionally went head-to-head in a writing session. I’d want Ali to pay attention (after all, the deadline was bearing down upon us and we only had an hour left to finish a chapter and edit another chapter) but she was multi-tasking on her I-phone and laptop, surfing the net, and I’d get frustrated and had to let that go and get back to my own writing my way, let Ali do hers her way and come together. (Then she’d explain that she was looking for additional research on the Internet, so I understand she was only trying to help us!).  I loved our conversations while we’d be planning and editing a chapter. And I have a lot of respect for how you’ve embraced the long process of creating and rewriting a book.                                                                     

Connell: What was it like to co-author a book with your mother, Ali?

Ali:  Lots of deep breaths… I went through a million feelings a day from feeling totally inadequate to feeling like I knew how to do it better than my mom, the pro, and both extremes landed me in a funk. But when I could just relax and have fun dialoging with her through the process, it was the most amazing experience. I have to say I couldn’t have gotten through the panic moments without her encouragement and the fact she believed in me as a writer—and all those cups of Starbucks.

I think I learned a lot about myself as a worker, that I could actually be focused for more than 20 minutes at a time. I was surprised by how I became more willing to learn from my mom in the process of writing, but in the beginning it was really hard because I’m a free spirit and don’t like to be told what to do (like “We need to write Chapter 3 now…”) But finally I realized I had a whole lot to learn and she had a whole lot of experience. And that actually I’m really grateful for the opportunity to work with her on a professional level. It’s changed my life. Writing together was full of new awareness and really feeling close to my mom in new ways. Plus I became keenly aware of my novice writing habits and was glad she was editing what I wrote. I think one of the biggest changes in me toward my mom is the level of respect I have for what she’s done in her writing career, how many deadlines she’s met while having to plan weddings or host holidays or help with grandbabies or just write when she may have wanted to go to the beach and rest. It raised my respect of her as a Renaissance woman enormously.

Connell: What were some of your challenges in co-writing Mother-Daughter Duet?

Ali: One of the biggest challenges for me was getting in the groove and knowing what this was going to look like and how we were going to write together and how we were going to start talking about what we were going to write about mother and daughter relationships. It was totally scary. Also, I’d never done interviews with people and that was a learning curve although Mom gave me some great tips. Sometimes I wanted to yell and scream and sometimes I wanted to run back home and mostly I wanted to respect my mom and her space in the process and produce a great book at the same time. I was going between feeling like the kid and feeling like the co-worker. The internal battle of the above. And finding the balance.

Cheri: I was able to become aware of some of the areas that I needed to own up to that contributed to Ali and my sometimes tense relationship in the past.  So the writing process  gave me some opportunities to say ‘I’m sorry’ and re-evaluate our past experiences together and as a family and to be really thankful for where we are today. I wanted us to be friends at the end of the journey of writing this book. And we are!

One of my greatest joys in the process is that Ali wanted to enter into what I’ve been doing for 25 years and there’s a wonderful camaraderie in the experience we’ve had that has brought us closer on a unique way.  I have co-authored with a few other writers, but it’s very different for me to co-author a book with a family member!

In spite of some unforeseen experiences like Ali’s husband’s life-threatening illness as we were writing the last part of the book (he did recover and we are so thankful), and doing two full rewrites—I was thankful to be able to give Ali the chance to have her voice heard. She has a distinct way of looking at life and it was on my “Bucket List” to give her that opportunity by co-authoring a book.

For years I’ve taught writing, and mentored adult writers in critique groups, university classes, and writer’s conferences. I’ve wanted to encourage the next generation of writers, and especially young women, and have had the chance to do that in different ways.  So how much fun to do that with my own daughter!

As women we need to tell our stories.  We need to share them—woman to woman, mom to daughter and daughter to mom.  So to have the opportunity to share our stories and those of other mothers and daughters whose stories appear in our book was great.

We hope the fact that we shared our story and other moms and daughters’ stories is going to encourage women to share their stories with each other.  To dialogue and get honest is important for women because it’s empowering and freeing for us to pass along the value of telling our stories and learning from each other.  I think we’ve learned to do that ourselves and seen the impact firsthand.

Connell:  What are some benefits you’ve received from co-writing Mother-Daughter Duet?

Ali: Through this process, I’ve learned how to grow up on a whole new level, and respect not only my mom, but her generation of mothers.  I’ve learned to value their lives and ways that they’ve coped, lived, loved and way they’ve raised us daughters.

Cheri:  I’ve learned to appreciate the young generation of women (college age through 40’s and beyond)—the uniqueness and what each of these daughters bring to relationships.  It’s been fun to hear women’s collective voices and hearts and desires, hurts, hopes for their relationships, especially with their own mothers.  I learned a lot about my daughter’s generation and really like you gals!

What was fun, too, was to discover new strengths and common ground in our relationship.  To connect through our assets and differences both and value them, not try to change or hide them from each other.

For all our readers, we hope after reading our book, they’ll feel that if WE can come together as mother and daughter and become friends after all we’ve been through (you’ll have to read the book to know what that was) and even after working together on a challenging but very enriching year-long project, then you can too—and patience, tolerance, and love will get you there.

CHERI FULLER is a best-selling, award-winning author whose books have sold more than one million copies. She loves to encourage moms of all ages, speaks at a wide range of women’s events, and is a frequent guest on national radio and TV programs. Her website, www.cherifuller.com, has a blog, articles, and inspiration. Cheri is a member of the Oklahoma Mothers, teaches a parenting and prayer course to moms in prison, and loves being a grandma to their six lively grandkids. She was named the 2004 Oklahoma Mother of the Year.

ALI PLUM is Cheri’s 33 year old daughter, a writer and songwriter, a wife and mother to Noah and Luke, her seven and eight year old sons she delights in nurturing. Mother-Daughter Duet: Getting to the Relationship You Want With Your Adult Daughter marks her debut as an author. Ali was recognized as the 2004 Oklahoma Young Mother.  

You can connect with Cheri and Ali at www.cherifuller.com or join them on Facebook 

CONNELL BRANAN has been a member of American Mothers since 2006 when she was named the National Young Mother of the Year.   Connell has an undergraduate degree from the University of Southern California and previously worked in Washington D.C. on the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence. She and her husband live in Oklahoma with their two children where Cliff serves in the Legislature and Connell volunteers with various local arts and educational organizations. Connell currently serves as the 1st Vice President for American Mothers, Inc. ®