American Mothers, Inc.

By: Laura Shmerler

As most wives and mothers will concur, we will do almost anything for our husbands and children. This willingness to do is tested each time I go away on my own. For me, time away from home is a rare occurrence. This is largely by choice. My time away almost always focuses on my relationships with other women, a very worthwhile and satisfying break for my day to day life. This month I am leaving for two nights and three days to participate in a Retreat with a small group of women. The preparations required for my brief absence have, at times, overwhelmed me to the point that I wonder why I even bother to go away in the first place.

Why is it that before I can go away, I must make sure that every detail is attended to? Why can’t I trust that my husband and children are perfectly capable of managing without me? Why can’t I take comfort in the fact that I am leaving them all in a safe environment and even if something goes wrong, each one of them is equipped with the tools to problem solve?

For me, the answers to these questions are not clear. As a mother, I consider it my job to keep my family safe and running like a well-oiled machine. I have been accused of doing too much for my children, i.e. cleaning up after them, bringing a forgotten assignment to school, etc. If I did not do these things, I would not be doing my job. Yet, as my kids have gotten older, I may not be doing them any favors. I have found it very hard to discern when to pull back and let the kids fend for themselves. For each child, this milestone will be different, making my job even more difficult.

My trip is a few hours away and I have completed all possible preparations. These preparations take their toll on me. As I have said to my kids many times; I am a “champion worrier.” I now realize that these worries are of my own making. I worry about minutia and then I ask myself “Why?” My New Years’ Resolution is to let go, just a little, and see what happens. My guess is that all will be fine and my children will be better off. I hope so.