American Mothers, Inc.

Have you ever been in the grocery store and your child has begun to scream uncontrollably and you wanted to run quickly out of the store?  As you were leaving the store were you wondering, why is he/she doing this, what can I do, and what are people thinking?  

It is hard to think that temper tantrums are just a part of growing up, especially when they are happening!  What is a mother going to do?  Some start crying, right there in the store.  Some just stomp out of the store and leave the grocery cart in the middle of the aisle.  Some ignore it and let people just "stare." What do the experts say you should do?  Perhaps one of their suggestions will be just what you've been looking for!

There may be some reasons for the tantrum such as:  wet pants that itch, a desire for juice and you gave milk, they want something they aren't able to get, and they haven't yet learned problem solving skills, therefore a tantrum is all they know how to do.  there may be nothing that you can see that caused it to happen.  It just doesn't make sense.

As your child grows older, temper tantrums should ease off.  Speaking and reasoning skills improve and it is no longer necessary to cry and scream.  Moms have to live until that time comes, so what can they do?

Moms need to establish a consistent way of dealing with tantrums.  This lets the child learn to recognize emotional control and clear communication.  This consistent way of dealing may include:

1.  Always keeping a cool head, which means remaining calm.

2. Taking time to think before you act.  Evaluating the situation prior to deciding how you will deal with it.  Recognizing each tantrum requires its own action.  Remember that thinking through the situation before you act can make a big difference.

3.  Acknowledging your child's frustration with a nod or a pat, without condoning the trantrum.  Affirmation can have a soothing effect  After your child has calmed down, talk softly and explain what can be done instead of screaming.  (Even the brain of little ones absorbs this information).  

4.  Learning not to talk during the tantrum because it does not work!  When the tantrum is over, speak softly about how to ask for help.  In time, what you say will produce good results.

5.  Knowing when to "hold on" to your child.  If your child is in danger of hurting him/herself, calmly take your child into your arms and hold on until the tantrum subsides.  During this time speak in a soothing voice and let them know you will not let go until they calm down.  They don't really like to be out of control, it scares them.  When you take the situation into your hands, they feel more secure.  

6.  Watching for patterns of behavior that lead to tantrums and head them off.  Watch for when and where they occur.  What has just happened?  Who was present?  Don't ask your child to do things he/she cannot yet do.  Help your child stay in a reasonable routine and let him/her know when it is going to change, have no surprises.  Perhaps you'll learn to avoid the tantrums.

7.  Offering calm comfort after the tantrum is over.  Tantrums take their toll on your child.  A warm hug and reassurance is important.  Let your children know that you disapprove of tantrums while reassuring them that you love them greatly.

Be assured that they will grow up!  They will get over their tantrums.  Why?  Because you will give them the understanding of what is going on, what can be done, and that no matter what, you are their mom and you love them very, very much!  

Good luck and may you be blessed everyday because you chose to be a mom.

Ruth Manning has been involved with American mothers since 1988 and served the organization in almost every role including that of President.  Currently, she is the Editor of the American Mother magazine.  Ruth is active in her community serving on the board of the Salvation Army, and CAP (Caring about People), she also volunteers her time teaching Sunday School and speaking to various community organizations.  Ruth has a BA and MEd. in Music Education and a Masters in Education administration, and with her husband (now deceased) has four children, twelve grandchildren and one great grandchild.